This imprint of "quantitative measures" of affection or love based on childhood lessons shapes our behaviors, beliefs, and expectations of all our relationships. Because we (erroneously) believe that our words, actions, efforts or contributions are always going to be measured and judged by others in this quantitative way, we do things in ways that we think will give us a favourable score.

So even if you so much long for someone to share with, to touch, to hold and to cherish you, you find that you are being rejected, lied to, avoided constantly, and "liked" (a lot) but not really loved.

You cannot be truly loved when you are holding back love because of the fear of not getting it back or for fear of rejection, judgement or criticism. The extent to which you are prepared to be (emotionally) vulnerable, reveal yourself to your lover and share your true self with that person determines the level of sexual intimacy that you will experience.

3. This is not just a desire to share your body but the comfort you have within yourself about who you are in your body...

Contemporary culture sends so many distorting messages about how to look and act and live that many of us have forgotten how it feels to be comfortable in our bodies again.

If you are not comfortable alone and if you are not comfortable in your own body, it's highly likely that you will not be comfortable with some else's body either. For couples who've been together a long time and seen each other naked so many times before, the problem is usually not about being comfortable with each other's body, the problem is that you have seen each other's bodies so many times that you probably stopped noticing it altogether and just go straight for the action and mission to orgasm.

Taking time to re-discover each other and each other's body can heat things up again. Make it your mission to spend more time patiently re-discovering your lover's body with all the senses (of sight, smell, touch, hearing and taste). This will help you experience wonderful intimate moments that may seem like straight out of a fantasy. You'll find that even cuddling and holding your lover is getting to know him or her deeply, in a very sexually fulfilling way.

When you have this level of intimacy -- with yourself and with each other -- to begin with, it's much easier to come up with new ideas and suggestions on how to work together to meet each other's sexual needs, wants and desire. You will find that the most passionate, most fulfilling and most meaningful encounters often times happen without words -- a knowing glance, a body gesture, a touch or even just an intuitive "feeling" will tell you exactly what the other wants and needs and give it to him or her the way he or she wants it --hard, deep and strong (and I am talking about emotions, silly... ;-)

About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author offering men and women practical tools and advice on how to make themselves attractive by using natural instinct, common sense and self-knowledge!

Christine's websites: http://www.torontosnumber1datedoctor.com

http://www.theartofseducingoutoffullness.com

http://www.playinghardtogettheloveway.com

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