Getting rid of this one is relatively easy. They want a girl to be a girl. You have to need them. I mean really need them to the point of helplessness. You have to become so weak you cannot open a single jar yourself. Nor can you open doors, lift shopping bags or drive a car. Strangely though you can lift lots of washing and open any type of beer can with your teeth. So if he comes home to find you have driven to the shops, opened several jars to make dinner including the one he couldn't open himself and fixed the oil leak on the car, he is history. If there is any final resistance, add that you have bought him a pink shirt and some facial products and you have enrolled you both into a "getting to know your partner" class and he won't just leave the house, he'll move away.

If your man isn't really a type then try some general tactics. Leaving a copy of "How to Please your Woman in Bed, improve your technique" on the coffee table when friends are coming can help. Crashing his car or if you want more prolonged torture, just driving it really badly will eventually drive him nuts. Selling his car to buy something really girly often finishes a relationship completely. Giving him shopping lists is simple and cheap. One hidden in his wallet so it falls out at the office lunchtime drink works a treat.

I suppose there's one last thing to try. You could bring back the art of conversation. Just tell him. Men can't multi task so don't tell him when he's washing up, watching tv, shaving or dressing. In fact definitely not when shaving. If any of it did get through he's likely to slice his face open.

Plan your words carefully. Don't waffle. Explain that you were really just looking for sex and someone to buy dinner for you and that all your friends are fixed up and you felt left out. Say you don't want to lose him but that you wanted a man who just popped in occasionally and who fainted at the words commitment and feelings.

If at this point he cries or tries to cut himself with his razor (I told you not to do it when he's shaving) then put his stuff in a bag and call him a taxi. If though he laughs, says "Thank God for that I can stop pretending" and leaves the washing up half finished (I told you...) then I'd keep him... For EVER!

Debbie Connolly is the Founder of SafePets UK and appears in the BBC series "Dog Borstal" and regularly gives media interviews about Pet issues. She writes for a well known UK dog magazine. Debbie works all over the UK with problem dogs and cats.

http://www.safepets.co.uk

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