Do you blame yourself for whatever goes wrong in your relationships? No matter what happens, do you second-guess yourself, worry that you said or did the wrong things and caused the other person to leave, break up, or cheat? If so, you may be a neurotic dater. What does that mean?

A neurotic dater puts far too much focus on doing and saying the right things in order to create a certain result. It's illogical, but the mind-set goes something like this: "If I can just be good enough, smart enough, good-looking enough, and say just the right things, then maybe this person will love me and make a commitment to me."

There are two problems with this mind set. First is the illusion of control. You simply cannot make people love you, no matter how much you bend yourself into a pretzel. While it's possible to turn someone off, and it's certainly possible to turn someone on in the sexual sense, it's not possible to make someone love you. Real love is an energy that naturally arises between two people as a result of an intellectual, emotional, and chemistry connection. It is independent of what they wear, do, or say. It either happens or it doesn't.

The other problem with the neurotic mind-set is the lack of focus on what you really want. If you're so intent on pleasing another person, you're probably not paying attention to whether or not you are happy. This is a formula for future unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

Nina Atwood is the Singlescoach? and a leading dating and relationship expert with all the answers. Through her professional relationship advice, she has put many men and women back on the road to personal growth, dating success, and inevitably finding their soul mate. She is a licensed therapist and nationally known dating coach with three published self-help books on communication and love. Her expertise is regularly sought by national media. She has appeared on numerous regional television shows and hundreds of radio shows nationally. The Singlescoach? web site is accessed daily by thousands of single men and women seeking leading edge relationship advice. Nina's newest book, Temptations of the Single Girl: The Ten Dating Traps You Must Avoid, was released in January 2008. Nina Atwood takes us on an inspiring journey of self-discovery and relationship recovery in this thoroughly modern fable. Ms. Atwood teaches the reader to pin point which temptations they must learn to resist so that she can claim the happiness - and the man - that she deserves.

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